So ladies and gents,
In the last part of this series, I talked about what my personal positive experience has been in my intercultural marriage.
Today, I am going to tell you the biggest challenge I have had and am yet to solve entirely for almost 4 years.
The nighttime hair net (aka the nightmare hair net) It is a freaking nightmare to convince a Scottish man that it is absolutely life and death kinda necessary for me to wear a hair net or scarf on my head every single night before I got to bed and keep it on for the duration of the night.
You see, my type 4c Afro kinky hair requires moisture 24/7 otherwise it loses its healthy edge. It goes from cotton soft to steel wire hard in a very short time when not moist. I spend all of about half a day a couple of times a week maintaining this moisture in my hair and going to bed without a satin scarf/net means that all my hard work will end up on my pillowcase.
Now, I love my naturally kinky hair. When it is moist, bouncy and healthy, it is everything to be proud of. But this result takes me hours to achieve- hours I don’t usually have. So wearing a hair net or scarf to bed at night seems like a small price to pay.
Needlesstosay, my husband is not a huge fan. In fact, he is not a fan at all. He wants to go to bed with his ‘sexy’ wife (his words not mine), not an old hag with a net on her head. I absolutely understand his point of view. If you have never worn a hair net to bed, just imagine wearing a shower cap or rollers to bed. Now imagine your partner/husband’s reaction when you show up for bedtime with them every single night. Pleasant? I don’t think so!
African men, although not big fans of hair nets are accustomed to them as they have grown up seeing their mothers and siblings go to bed with hair nets. They know it is a necessary evil that is a means to a beautiful end- which is a beautiful and happy wife.
4c kinky hair is not morning hair at all. If I sleep without a hair net/scarf, it is guaranteed to teach me a lesson the next morning. It literally shrinks by about 70%, it becomes extremely dry and hard comb or style.
New to my current hair regime is the Greenhouse technique where I literally sleep with a plastic bag on my head to help my hair produce natural oils which aid growth. Very sexy, huh?
So now the question is, which do I prefer, a head of beautiful hair every morning? Or a happy husband every night at bedtime?
Well, as I always say, marriage rule 101 is compromised so here is how I compromise for a happier husband and relationship.
1. I still wear a net/plastic bag to bed but only twice a week when my hair is freshly washed and/or moisturized.
2. I now have to do my hair routine more times a week to keep it healthy because it runs out of moisture very fast due to compromise #1.
3. Talk about it. I always tell hubby when I am going to bed with a hair net/plastic and always explain why it is necessary on that particular evening. Communication is key.
The result: happy hubby, happy wifie!
I’d love to know how you guys tackle your marriages/relationships. Any tips for you girl here? Comment below.
Till next time,